Blood on the Highway

The citizens of sleepy small town Fate, TX gather for the grand opening of Consumart, a shiny new one-stop-shopping box store. The eager consumers gleefully pour into the store as the doors open at sundown. Why is the grand opening at sundown? Who cares, they've got cut-rate prices on plasma screens and baby clothes! DVDs! Mayonnaise! Coffins! Coffins? And before they have to time to really question this item, terror ensues and the store erupts into a bloodbath. A few weeks later, three oblivious, self-absorbed twenty somethings - CARRIE, SAM, and BONE - head out on a road trip to Mr. Fire (a festival which shares only minor non-litigious similarities, all of a purely coincidental nature, to Burning Man) and accidentally wander into Fate, unaware of its population's ill-fated transformation... into vampires. Being that the heroes are 20-somethings, they do it. Carrie, a shallow hothead, is dating Sam's wallet, er, Sam, who is a whiny, naive, hypochondriac rich boy. Bone, a callous hard-ass with a venomous way of speech, is still nursing a desire for Carrie predicated upon a drunken, frivolous one night stand. After a run-in with two blood-thirsty convenience store clerks in which Sam is repeatedly bitten and attacked and Bone is forced to slaughter them, our protagonists begin it wonder if something strange might be going on in the town. Luckily, but only in the sense that they didn't get murdered, the three stumble upon the only surviving humans in town: BYRON VON JONES, a trigger-happy, conspiracy theorist militia member; LYNETTE VON JONES, a haggard, trailer park slut and the only surviving wife out of Byron's harem; and ROY JACKSON (Chris Gardner), a cowardly, lying frat boy in his early 20s. The group bands together and takes shelter in Roy's ranch house, surrounded by hundreds of vampires intending to torch the property before sunrise, so they don't have to go home and try again the next day. Will our heroes escape death and transformation? Will Bone win over Carrie's dubious and indifferent heart? Does he even really care? And will the nefarious corporate franchise relevance to the plot ever be explained? Written by blareruin